1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back
For C.
By Nicole
Her feet are firmly planted
To the ground
Rivulets of sweat drip down
Her forehead.
Arms perched forward
She’s ready to run
Finish the last lap
But something inside her
just can’t move.
For the past 44 laps
She’s been doing well
A spring in her step
A spirited smile
Her students
Her pride and joy
Cheering her on from the sidelines
A starting pistol for her sprint
Then she spots the hurdles
And stops dead in her tracks
Slender, tall, white
Hurdles stare back at her.
RA, CIDP, lupus
They read.
Dread fills her
Shoots through her like a tranquilizer
Immobilising
Weakening
Stripping her of the stride she once had.
The hubbub in her head
Screams
“RUN!”
But her body is now an automated machine
Disconnected from the neurons in her brain
Despair envelops her like
A dark shadow
A spectre of the life that is about to follow.
Sapped of energy
Her legs give out
And her body flops to the ground
Jeers from the crowd
Rain down on her like pellets
And then
She feels a crutch,
Hands of adamantine steel
Lifting her up
Hoisting her to the eye level of
Friends who know her every nook and cranny
Friends who memorise her address
who notice when her smile falters -
who are there to catch her
when she falls.
She remembers her passions
The things that set her heart ablaze
And found a home in the forefront of
her mind
Teaching
Mental Health
Art
Fresh hope blooms in her heart
Like the first flower in spring
And she realises -
Life is a marathon
Not a sprint.
She is a fighter.
And she will power on.
Author's Note:
C gave me the impression of a fighter: someone who had been through countless adversities in life, yet managed to surmount all of them, all while radiating happiness and joy. This gave me the idea of likening her to a marathon runner who moves swiftly and smoothly in the beginning, as her condition only reared its head later in her life.
Of course, she encounters hurdles from her autoimmune diseases: rheumatoid arthritis, chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropath and low grade lupus. She stumbles and is stunned in her tracks, feeling disheartened and disillusioned. But this, she overcomes, with all the support she has from her students, friends, and self-care through her hobbies. I wanted to reflect this through the aid she receives when encountering these hurdles. Even though it was difficult for her to sprint through and jump over these hurdles, the help from her support system helped her throughout the race. She doesn’t need to emerge as number 1, or receive resounding applause from the audience. She finishes the race, and that’s enough.